Are you walking alone in the dark?

I have been walking alone in the dark for awhile. Sure I have awesome friends and I thought I had God walking with me. I have been blessed to serve as a founder with my wife in a ministry. We surrounded ourselves with the most awesome group of people. I have a wife and children. Until this last weekend, I really didn't realize how dark my daily walk was.

I serve many faces on the streets of Columbus. Under bridges, by railroad tracks, in a line of trees, and behind abandoned buildings. I have served the hungry and the lonely. I have talked with people that believe in Christ one moment then they are so lost by the next time I see them, they wonder where God has gone. I have seen my beautiful daughter bring the roughest men to tears. I have seen some of the worse cases that the streets of Columbus homelessness has to offer. I feel their pain, but when I go to my home with my family, I feel the same pain. I ask the same question, "Where has God gone in my life?" Why is it that I can not get my marriage right? I know it was not my wife, she is the most wonderful woman you will ever meet. It wasn't because of my job. I go to school. Is it about money? Well, maybe a little. It is not that we are hurting and will be joining the campers behind Vets. Well, okay maybe a shanty behind Skidmore. I just could not get my family life where I should be. Where was God? I see him when we serve the homeless. I see him when we are working with other leaders in the community. I just did not see him in my home. Why?????

My wife and I went away without kids this weekend. However, she went one direction and I went another. And I found out the most wonderful thing. God has never left me, I was walking away from God. He was with me dealing with everything outside my house, but when it comes to my home, I was the God in my home. When I prayed, it was for the ministry or for one of my friends. When I studied, it was about school, or something to do with anything that had nothing to do with my home life. Then when we were at home I took my wife for granted. Out in the ministry she was amazing, but then at home she walked on egg shells. That is not a place for a wife to be. I heard her say that, but I really never listened. Why?

So, I had the privilege of being ask to go on a walk. The Emmaus Walk. I am not going to go into what this walk is, but if you ever have the chance to go on this walk please go. I found that it was the most amazing walk with Christ you will go on. The funny thing is they call it a three day walk and the days after are considered the fourth day. So, I find that I am not walking any longer. I am in a full run. I have so much to do, first on the list: to study my wife. I have this wonderful woman that I get to know all over again.

So, My name is Michael Hogan from the table of Luke. I have new best friends, John M., John B., Paul L,. David S,. Jim S., Kirk M., and Jeff W. These brothers of God are some of the most amazing men I have ever met. I have an amazing team I serve with, but these guys are the kind of guys you meet and you don't want them to just fade away from your life. You want to know they are doing okay in their lives and if not I want them to know that I am there.

So, I have to tell you this story. I was up and down about going to this walk. My wife and I were on the final strands holding our marriage together. We both have recently talked to people outside our marriage, people from our past that we both dated. Hers was a Deputy Sheriff for Franklin County, and mine a ex fiance from California. Our kids where scared that Dad was leaving and not coming back. On Friday, towards the middle of the day, I did not want to be there. The longer the day went the worse it was for me. I was ready to give up. I said a prayer and I begged for the Lord to cuff me to that church and give me the will to stay. I have nightmares every night for a long time, and that night I accidentally put my Bible under my pillow and I had the best sleep I have had for a very long time. I don't remember the dream, but I know it wasn't bad. I woke up early and I decided to read my Bible. The sun was not up yet, and I started reading. I cannot tell you what it's like to see the sunrise as you read the Bible. Throughout the day, the urge to learn became stronger and stronger. The conversation at our table were things I needed to know. Then I learned that I did something horrible when I was dating my wife. I took her grace away from her. She had been a Christian since age 12. She had a strong belief in the Word and even though we were married, I believe one thing and she another. I have sinned against this woman that I considered an ambassador from God to bring me to Jesus. I had no idea that I did that to her. I know she will proof read this, so honey I love you and I am sorry.

Then my new friend and brother gave a talk and it crushed me. He gave his testimony and like the rest of the table it was so emotional. I come from a place where you do not air family garbage, but you have him on this stage telling things that I didn't think a man could say. Then to find out that his wife was behind the curtain listening, Sister Bowers you are an Angel. However, you are married to an incredible man. I pray this does not offend you my brother, but John Bowers, I know we all received many DeColores gifts throughout the weekend, but when you handed me your testimony and with your hand on my shoulder you told me that you hope this will help. Brother, you gave me a new meaning to brotherly love. You gave me a reason to push the demons away and save this wonderful thing I am part of.  You help save my marriage and my family. That whole table of Luke saved this family. I thank God for each and everyone of you. I am there for each of you. I am your brother and I can say that the three days I spent with you mean more to me than the 30 plus years I spent with my real brothers. God is Great.

So, as I said, this weekend was a make it or break it for my marriage. I won't go into details about the weekend, because I don't want to spoil the surprise for anyone who might be attending soon. There is a point where you can leave your burden at the Cross. I sat there as brother by brother walked to the stage to leave their burden. Then it was my turn. I prayed, no I will say I begged to take this burden away from me. Let my past be my past and let God take over my burdens. I dropped that piece of bread in front of the Cross and it was like this weight was taken off my chest. I was not sure where my marriage was after this weekend, but my relationship with Christ has begun. Then on Sunday we sat in the chapel and the brothers handed out the letters that our friends wrote us. The first one I opened was from a friend. Then I started tearing all these letters open looking for the one letter I needed. The one from my bride. It was not there. My marriage was over. Even though I know that God still had a purpose for me and it does not look like it will be with my wife. Two brothers where there to encourage me. Thomas my old friend and another friend by the name of  Paul Lammers. They both kept my purpose on track and I knew I had to use what I just spent the last three days learning. So, a little bit later, we were in chapel singing and then it got louder and you can tell others have joined us. I looked around and saw my beautiful kids walking in. Then there she was, my bride. The woman I thought I lost. She had tears in her eyes and in her hand was a letter. It was like the room emptied out and it was just me and her with the voices of Angels singing for us. John somehow went and got the letter from her. I was shaking when I started to read it. I don't think that Solomon himself could have wrote words of love like she wrote. In that letter she asked me a question that brought this big man to tears. Will you remarry me? What just happened? She wants to marry me again? Only God himself could have changed this marriage. Our Lord has not only changed my life, but the lives of everyone around us. These men all around me have had their lives changed, and God has showed his love like I have never seen before. God is Great. Thank you Lord for giving my life back. Brothers of the table of Luke, you are my friends and my brothers, and I thank God that he brought you amazing men into my life. Decolores!!!!!

What does this have to do with a family serving the homeless? Because, now there is still a family serving the homeless. Not only that, this family will be showing God's love like never before. My Brothers and Sisters, our Lord can and has changed lives. He can save a family and he can change the hearts of those that have no hope living on the streets. It is our duty to spread the word of Christ. We are to be changing the lives of our neighbors and bringing them into the churches and into the Grace of our Father.

I am not a writer. I know this may not make sense to some. To those who know me, I challenge you. Seek him. When God puts out the calling, listen!!!! You never know what he will do in your life or in the lives of those around you.

Thank you Brothers of Emmaus Walk #74