A message from Bubba.....

     

I am going through a lot these past two years. I have had some serious issues. When one problem would end the next would begin. It has been two years, that I have no interest in going through again. The one thing that I did go right is my little man Myka. I have had some issues that has put a lot of friends on the back burner. 

Okay, maybe the back burner, is an understated comment. How about burning the bridge? Let's start with a walk I took. It is called the Emmaus Walk. It was a very touching. I went in and 3 days later I came out in such a high, I felt like a could fix every problem in the world.  The guys were awesome and the first week I really thought I found a home. However, I found out that it does not work. It was kind of bizarre. I was offered an assistant table leader position. I went to a couple of meetings and I decided that I do not agree with some of what they stand for and I sent an email back the head of the team to talk about resigning. Do you know how many from our team called me back? ZERO!!!! I get that I'm a hard case, and I have burnt bridges.  At that time The Emmaus Walk was awesome.   The follow through or the friendship that you were supposed to be there was never there. It is such a shame. I met some really great guys. I really wish the walk really worked. 

So ,taking that and comparing that to our ministry is like night and day. I am like the Emmaus walk and my follow through was not there. Granted I have been sick but this was me not following through. The same goes to my marriage. I get phone calls all the time. I also want to see our ministry take it to the new level. I have been in the wrong. You know, I have been lost in my head. Why was it put there? Because, Satan knew to attack where it would hurt me the most.  Let me show you what I mean:

1- My follow through has gotten worse. This is hear say by two of the most unreliable campers. It is true

I cannot follow through at all. It was a problem growing up and it remains my fault.

2 -The biggest problem is I am full of insecurity. Why? This is something that is a fight in my head that I cannot seem to get over.

3- The rest is my past, I have done some horrible things. You know how they say you can't run from you past? THE PAST DOES NOT MAKE WHO YOU ARE OR WHO ARE YOU GOING TO BE.

I've not been a good leader, father, husband and friend.  I have let everything negative run my life. I have let the power of Facebook hurt people. This keyboard has a range of  24,901.55 miles. I cannot miss even without a scope. The only other thing more powerful is what we know as a Bible. I have the weapons to combat the problems I am having, but do I use it enough? Simply put, I have the cure for my problems, but I don/t always use it. When my body is ill, I don't hesitate to take me meds, then why would I hesitate using my Bible to help my problems? The Bible is kinda funny. It has some of the most loving stories and it also has the scariest stories. When you open it is fills your mind and heart with such wonderful things. Your world becomes fresh and new. Why wouldn't I use it more? That is something I need to change.

Ok, so here it is. Our marriage has been put through some of the hardest times you can imagine. It has reached a point where I find myself between two worlds. World number one, forgive the past and live with what happened and pray to our father to take it out of minds and serve Him, and trust this doesn't happen again. The second world is one of un-forgiveness and be miserable every day. Publicly declaring our personal problems. Avoiding the love Christ shared and be miserable for a very long time and pushing friends away.

I guess you know the one I decided to use. I can ask for forgiveness. And I tried, however that does not always work. I am a founder of a ministry that used to be so wonderful. Being in this ministry for as long as I have, I can tell you it is different. We have had rules that we set up and they are completely avoided. We have been used by campers and we still hand over anything the want. We have given folks rides to places and so on, when that should never have happened.  Where did we go wrong? That is one answer I can give. It always starts with the head of the ministry. That would be me.

I have let my personal family life interfere with my life in the ministry. I have used social media to get even with people. That's not who I am, but unfortunately that's who I've been. I have allowed self pity to rule my life.

My wife and I have helped start this ministry. With the help of Christ, LOS is still running. I have stepped aside at the request of our leadership group. The one thing that goes through my head is I have done wrong. I have sinned because I aired family problems. I have threatened to quite the ministry. I have not done my part as a leader. All I can say is I am sorry. I let the past of my family hurt me and I have dwelled on it all day long. I have had our leaders threaten to quit.  I know deep inside I messed up. Not a little mistake, but ones that hurt people.  I love serving with my fellow brothers and sisters. Even after whet was said and done, I would give the shirt of my back to anyone of them.

I have failed as a leader. All I can say is please forgive me. Please forgive what I have wrote on Facebook. I have seen a counselor and will continue. I will do anything possible to show certain members of LOS that I am who I am.  I am so fortunate to have brothers that love and understand me. As for our leadership team, it's going to be hard to be part of LOS if you are unable to talk to me. Like I have said, I am doing everything there is to bring myself back from the prison my mind was in and take LOS to the next level. The darkness is still there somewhat, but the future of LOS is going to be great. I lost who I am for along time. but the light is coming back.

I have beaten our past and now I have to focus on the future. I look forward to see what LOS will be in a year. God is amazing. Just knowing and understanding the wrong I did, and the fact that I am very sorry for my actions is inspired by God, because a couple of years ago I wouldn't have care what you think. Now I know that our ministry was loaned to my family by Christ and because he died for us and our sins to be forgiven. I know there are hardened hearts and I am prepared for that.  I know that God will provide. He provided a leadership team  and they are great people.

Here is the simple fact, I messed up, I hurt peoples feelings and now I need to get back to where we are supposed to be.

 I am sorry!!!!